Oscar season’s finished. Summer blockbusters are a month away. Spring Break came and went. What’s left to April? This upcoming month is generally pretty slim pickings, and this year’s not necessarily any different, but, and I considered putting “but” in bold because it’s a big deal, times have changed. The years when only summer months yielded cash-grabbing goliath entertainments are over. Blockbuster movies, while still primarily summer releases, can show up any time. This month it’s the eighth installment of a never ending franchise built around car buffoonery. Besides that, it’s basically going to be indie gems, holdovers from the month of March, and The Smurfs driving folks to theaters.

APRIL 7TH

The Smurfs: The Lost Village    43% On Rotten Tomatoes

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Speaking of. Who asked for this? A reboot of a franchise that nobody cared about in the first place. For what it’s worth, this outing does look better than previous installments, focusing on Smurfette and the rest of the gang’s discovery of an all-female smurf village. Ooooh.

Colossal 81% on Rotten Tomatoes

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An out-of-control woman played by Anne Hathaway finds out that she is unwittingly the puppetmaster of a colossal and destructive monster terrorizing Seoul. Reviews and bits that I’ve seen from trailers have me mildly interested. I prefer my monster movies straight up. Mixing it with quirkiness seems unnecessary.

The Void 87% on Rotten Tomatoes

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Crazy sci-fi horror film being compared to John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982)? I’m in. A cop and the night shift ER staff all bunker up in the local hospital as a crowd of hooded weirdos surround the building, turning everyone insane. Described as an ’80s throwback, and a terrifically entertaining nightmare, I’m stoked.

Your Name 97% on Rotten Tomatoes

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Two strangers-a boy and a girl-swap bodies and fight to find one another. The highest grossing Japanese film of all-time. It passed Spirited Away (2001) for that honor. Wow. That alone warrants my attention, plus reviews are thus far glowing. I’ll seek it out, in theaters.

Aftermath No Reviews Yet

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Arnold Schwarzenegger, that man-legend, going for Oscar gold and glory based on the trailer. He, who built his name on uttering horrible one-liners while looking cool during scenes of outrageous violence, plays a man reeling from the death of his wife and daughter. When Arnold finds the air-traffic controller whose error caused their death, a revenge tale ensues. I can see this movie going either way: bad or good, and I’ll see it either way.

APRIL 14TH

The Fate of the Furious No Reviews Yet

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Hey, people who are asking how many of these movies they’re going to make, the answer to your question, is in turn, a question. How many more Fast and the Furious movies are you willing to watch, and pay for, in theaters? I’m happy to watch an infinite amount of this stuff. I like big budget nonsense. For me, they’re pretty much getting better every time. The seventh one being the best. Now, in comes Charlize Theron as a villain, and back comes Jason Statham as a bad guy turned good guy. Neat. F. Gary Gray takes over as director (his last film was Straight Outta Compton).

The Lost City of Z 86% on Rotten Tomatoes

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An old fashioned adventure movie harkening back to cinematic classics like The Man Who Would be King. Charrlie Hunman stars, and between this and his King Arthur movie, he has a chance to break out this year as a bona fide leading man. Robert Pattinson costars, and though previously a figure of ridicule from me, he has in recent years distinguished himself as a capable actor after all, and shown a willingness to do out-there supporting roles even (not unlike say Brad Pitt back in 1995’s 12 Monkeys).

Queen of the Desert 10% on Rotten Tomatoes

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Wasn’t this movie supposed to be released 2 or 3 years ago? The fact that it’s not coming out until this month is telling. This was a massive failure from a giant amongst film directors: Werner Herzog. Nicole Kidman stars as Gertrude Bell, an explorer in the Middle East during the early parts of the 20th century. Other big names-Franco, Damian Lewis, Robert Pattinson-add their names to this catastrophe. I will watch.

APRIL 21ST

Free Fire 79% on Rotten Tomatoes

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Armie Hammer, Brie Larson, Cillian Murphy, Sharlto Copley star in this outlandish premise for an action movie. From what I can tell, the entire movie plays out at a hand off gone wrong. Basically all parties are stuck in a warehouse shootout for the length of the film. Whether that’s true and whether that works remains to be seen, but I applaud the effort.

APRIL 28TH

The Circle No Reviews Yet

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I haven’t read the book. The popular Dave Eggars novel about a young woman who starts work at a huge tech company. I don’t know much about it, but I’m guessing it takes a scary turn. Tom Hanks joins Hermione Granger and Finn from Star Wars in this adaptation though, and I’m curious to see if Watson can truly carry a film.

How to be a Latin Lover No Reviews Yet

How to Be a Latin Lover

Eugenio Derbez scored a huge international hit with Instructions Not Included, and he’s set to star with Anna Farris in an Overboard remake. Here, he plays a gold-digging man recently dumped by his elderly wife, and forced to move in with his estranged sister (Salma Hayek). That’s a pretty funny premise for a comedy. I’ll wait for the reviews to start trickling in to see if it delivers.

-Walter Howard-

 

 

 

 

 

 

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